I don't really hate Facebook per se, but it does make me uneasy sometimes. Posts of baby pictures and family get togethers and general merriment-style postings are all sweet and nice. What bothers me is that there seems to be enough online posturing to rival a Kanye West video. I have a hard time considering any FB posting genuine. It's too calculated and phony - like a reality show for the layman.
Everybody thinks they're famous nowadays. If you are stuck in traffic, even some of your closest friends don't care as much about that as Kim Kardashian's cuticles. It's just the way it goes. Your traffic problems don't make the front page of US. I hate to think how much Tommy in Mizzoula is cutting himself right now because he only got two likes on the photo of his new haircut.
As my years on Facebook accumulate (as well as my disdain), I'm starting to notice a prevalence of certain types of posts that have begun to creep under my skin. See if you can recognize any of these.
- The overly positive status. "Go grab today by the horns because the birds are singing and the sun is kissing your forehead with its golden beams." Methinks you doth exaggerate too much. I believed you're happy, but now I'm having my doubts.
- Some vaguely defined person is pissing me off. "I thought we had something special, but I don't deserve to be treated this way, so f*** off." Translation: "My feelings are hurt and I'm having trouble sleeping because I don't know why 'X' doesn't love me." All the tweeting in the world will only work against you.
- The list of things you've done today. "Went to spin class, then to King Soopers. Going to pick up Chloe from Gymboree and have a Sanka on the front porch." Alright then. Way to go.
- Promoting personal endeavors. "My workout DVD is being released. Buy it." "I'm moving. Rent my house." "I have a blog, read it." Wait. Nevermind. This one's fine.
- I'm just so in love I could barf rainbows. "Snuggling up next to my man while we watch NCIS and drink chamomile tea. I'm the luckiest girl in all the land to be so head over heals in love for all eternity." I give it 3 months.
- Song lyrics or poetry. "I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea." Even when Savage Garden said it, I think we all cringed a little.
- Pretentious blather. "As Sylvia Plath would say..." She wouldn't say anything. She killed herself. Food for thought.
- Politics. "Obama doesn't rhyme with Osama for nothing!" Granted that's pretty silly, but you get my gist. No matter what, 50% of the people will not be happy and it's a cowardly way to incite controversial discourse.
- Religious beliefs posed as truths. "Jesus loves you. Sadly 98% of people won't repost this." Yes. And that's because there is more than one religion (Sorry Jewish friends, but apparently you're "sad") and also because most Christians are discerning enough to recognize pandering.
- Condolences. This one really bothers me for some reason. It is so disingenuous to post condolences. Death hurts and virtual support equals no support. There are some reasons that a phone still exists, and no, not to text said condolences either.
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