2011 Will Be the Same as 2010

Believe me, I want 2011 to be transcendant.  I want to lose 5 pounds of fat, gain 15 pounds of muscle and make the equivalent of 1 million British pounds in American currency.  Yes, I know it's Euros now.  But let's not mince words. 

But it won't change. At least not much.  Consider my redundant predictions.

In 2011:

- Somebody will die on Black Friday when they're trampled racing to a $65 iPod Nano.
- Some US state will pass (and then revoke) some bill forwarding the rights of homosexuals.
- A reality show will have us predicting the apocalypse like 2010's 'Bridalplasty.'
- Rihanna will release her 97th CD.
- There will be a news story about it snowing outside and one interviewee will say something along the lines of, "The city really should be more prepared."
- I will visit my homestate of Nebraska expecting some catharsis.  I will not get one.
- A nice meth-addicted young woman will get a black eye when the Huskers lose their first game of the season.
- There will still be no Arby's in New York City.
- I will leave at least 5 combination locks at the gym.
- I will hear a Black Eyed Peas song, think that this band can't get more ridiculous, and then end up secretly liking it. (See: My Humps, Imma Be, Boom Boom Pow etc.)
- I will spend $6 on a bottle of Bud Light.

The list goes on and on my friends.  Revel in the consistency that this beautiful world keeps throwing our way.  Celebrate the lack of processed roast beef in urban areas.  But don't expect this world to segue into a utopia any time soon.  And if you're up for it: Donate to my combination lock fund via paypal.


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The REAL Best Songs of 2010 (for people not prone to depression or pretention)

Every year I type the words "Best Music of the Year" into a google search and every year they feed me back a list of pretentious crap that nobody with a symmetrical haircut enjoys.  So... I'll do all of us who actually like fun AND thought provoking music a favor.  I don't need to be introspective at all hours of the day. It's hard. Some days I just have to try not to sit in smeared chocolate on the subway.  So, here y'all go... and I know you'll all 100% agree with me. 

10. What the Hell - Avril Lavigne.  Yeah, so what she wore wife beaters and ties when she was 16 and now has the obligatory rank fragrance out at your nearest TJ Maxx.  It puts you in a good mood and you know it.

9. Baby - Justin Bieber.  If you say you don't like it, you're a liar, and I will never trust you.

8.  XXXO - M.I.A.  A nice bass-saddled song with clever lyrics about online dating. 

7.  Club Can't Handle Me - Flo Rida.  I tell you what.  When this song comes on at the gym, I can go for the extra 4 minutes.

6.  The '59 Sound - Gaslight Anthem.  I want to be in a stadium when these guys get famous and jump in sync with middle aged, fun-loving folks.

5.  Like a G6 - Far East Movement.  Thank God I had some busboys at the last restaurant I worked at teach me what "sizzor" is.  Bring on the cough medicine.

4.  Take My Hand - The Cab.  Love songs about running away.  It's just freeing to think about.

3.  Rill Rill - Sleigh Bells.  I don't think I've listened to many songs on repeat as much as I did this one.

2.  Dancing on My Own - Robyn.   That chick can turn out a pop tune that overtakes my body.

1.  Whatever You Like - Anya Marina.  I appreciate anybody who can take a TI song, highlight the ridiculousness of the lyrics, and still make it sound a little deeper.

There you go.  That's it.  No room for discussion.